Post by Cain on Feb 21, 2009 23:15:32 GMT -5
Story submitted by Moonfire
A long time ago, in a NyQuil and vodka induced dream there was...
Star Wars: Hope?
It is a period of civil war. Which kinda sucks.
Rebel spaceships, striking
from a hidden base, have won
their first victory against
the evil Galactic Empire. Which doesn't suck.
During the battle, Rebel
spies managed to steal secret
plans to the Empire's
ultimate weapon, the SUPER DESTRO-THINGY,
an armored space
station with enough power
to destroy an entire planet. I know, scary, right?
Pursued by the Empire's
sinister agents, Princess
Moonfire races home aboard her
starship, custodian of the
stolen plans that can save her
people and restore
freedom to the galaxy....
Now, if only she could find the right button on her R2 unit...
“Shit shit shit... Which button is it R2?” she muttered hurriedly, smashing the buttons with her palm repeatedly as the droid beeped unhappily. “Gah! I don't have time for thiiiiiiiis...” groaned Moonfire, tucking a piece of light red hair behind her ear, still smashing at R2 as she did.
“You oversized trashcan, how the hell do you record a message?” she said scanning his metal housing for some button she was missing. Quickly becoming frustrated the girl kicked it, causing it the beep once more in protest before flashing a red recording light, startling the princess.
“Oh sweet, got it working. Awesomesauce. Okay...” she said waving to the camera. “Hi, Zilfer of Shadows? Right? Yeah... umm... I kinda need your help. Like as soon as possible. The Empire's building this bad weapon thingy and I have the plans.” she said making a motion to indicate the plans carefully tucked into her bra. “So yeah, my ships being invaded by the Empire's soldiers now, and thats really no good... So, save me Zilfer, you're my only hope.” she said kicking R2D2 again to stop the recording.
“Now, be sure to take that to Zii for me, kay? Good droid, and extra serving of oil for you later. I promise.” she said hearing the oncoming Storm Troopers coming closer, the sounds of blaster fire nearing her. Hugging the cylinder one last time, she wished him luck, and jumped out wielding her blaster in an almost threatening way, adjusting her glasses on her nose.
“Hey, look. I don't want to fight, so how about you give up now, and I just continue on my merry way?” Moonfire asked as she smiled brightly at the Storm Troopers moving closer, one of which grabbed her and hoisted her over his shoulder.
“I'll take that a no...” she said, as he carried her off, R2D2 and C-3HockieO taking the moment to slip into an escape pod, and blasting off in search for the unknown Zilfer.
Not too long after...
A white haired youth wandered about his desert home of Tatoonie, looking up over the sky around him.
“This place is boring... Why can't something exciting happen around here?” he asked looking back over at his Uncle and Aunt's place. A little dome amongst the vast sands, a dramatic musical track running in the background.”Where the hell is that music coming from...?” he asked looking about.
“Chris! Chris, honey! I bought some new droids today!” Called his Aunt. Running over Chris looked over them, glancing over the new R2 unit and C-3HockieO. “How much did you pay for this junk?” he asked. “What have I told you Auntie about paying for strange robots...?” he said shaking his head.
“Who the hell are you calling junk?” said C-3HockieO. “You're not a prize winner yourself.”
“Oi, I can dismantle you at any time, bot. Watch yourself.” Chris warned as he rolled his eyes. “I'm gonna go shoot small animals, B.R.B. Guys.” he said wandering off.
R2 stirred back to life, beeping crazily, taking off into the desert. Leaving behind HockieO.
“God dammit... Where the hell are you going you walking waste disposal? Fine. Whatever. Forget you, man.” he said.
“Yo, uh Chris...”
“I'm not Chris, I'm Shen... or am I Shin? Maybe I'm Dark Chris... Shit, whatever. What is it Hock?”
“Well... R2 kinda took off... into the desert.”
“You're kidding?! This upset me... us... dammit, I'm confusing myself again.”
“You know, talking to yourself is the first sign of insanity...”
“Shut up, we gotta find that stupid R2 unit...” he said grabbing his bag and heading out with Hock into the desert after
Meanwhile, back out in space...
“Muwhahahahahahahahaha!!!!” cackled the tall and rather skinny man in his swivel chair, looking over at Princess Moonfire, who was conveniently bound to a chair.
“Hey dude, you've been laughing like that for um, a couple hours now...” she said, looking at him rather uncomfortably.
“Oh sorry about that, just working on my evil laugh. You know, its really a major part of the big bad villain look.” responded Darth Cain in a surprisingly pleasant tone.
“Oh, I'm sure, it seems like it would be.” she agreed nodding. “So... how long are we gonna wait here?”
“I dunno, depends, how long is it gonna take for your friends to come a rescue you?” he responded, snapping open a root beer and handing it too her, Moonfire nodding thanks as she sipped it from her purple crazy straw.
“Shouldn't be too long now, I sent that cry for help to Zilfer like ages ago...”
“Oh, you've invited Zilfer? Goody, its been ages since I've kicked his ass.” he said with another round of evil laughter.
“Okay, Cainy, I think you're kinda over doing it now.”
“Overkill is never a bad thing... Muwhahahahahahahahaha!”
Glancing over at the clock she sighed, patience was not one of her strong suits...
“Oh! Governor Odan, please join us here for some root beer while we wait.” said Cain seeing a man walking by the door.
“Umm... hello Darth Cain... umm, Princess. No offense Mr. Cain sir, but, shouldn't we get those plans from the Princess, and well, kill her? Thats the evil thing to do right?” he said sitting in the chair next to Mooney, who gave him a friendly wave.
“No time for that now,” responded Cain. “The Authoress is hurrying the story along because of a wild drunken night that made her forget about the story being due today, so the Princess' friends will most likely be showing up in... I dunno... three... two... one...Now” Cain said looking down at his watch.
Suddenly the whole ship shook greatly and the wall to the room exploded outward, a crew of odd rebels spilling into the room.
“Hey Princess, we've come to save you!” said Chris with a bright smile.
“We? Who the hell are you people, all I asked for was freaking Zilfer. Not some kid, his old man lover, a guy who likes furries and a walking carpet.” she said shaking her head.
“Well, I'm Chris... Well, I'm also Dark Chris, and Shen, or Shin. God dammit, you people need to stop making me introduce myself!”
“Blame the Authoress, its easier that way...” Nodded Moonfire.
“I'm Mik Solo, I gave these guys a ride here... Can I leave now?” said the rather disinterested looking pilot.
“RAAAAAAWR” Replied the Wookie, who then swiftly received a smack to the face.
“Grand! Will you stop trying to get me to switch the ship to Batroid energy. Its not happening, so drop it.” yelled Mik.
“I'm Zilfer... Hey Cain, whats up dude? You wanna fight?”
Odan raised an eyebrow, attempting the sneak out of the room, though was dragged back in by Grand.
“RAAAAAAAAAWR...”
“Grand, you're an idiot, nobody cares.”
“Raaawr...”
“Thats not very nice...” said Mooney who was still as fate would have it bound to the chair. “So yeah, can someone untie me so we can leave? How are we gonna destroy this thingy anyway?”
Chris smiled brightly. “Oh, don't worry about that. I set an explosive to go off in Ten minutes after we got on board, that way we could grab you and get out as quick as possible.”
Mik and Zilfer looked over at Chris with a worried expression. “Ummm... Chris... How long have we been on board the ship?”
“We got on at like 4:50... its Now...5:00... So, ten mi-”
The explosion of the SUPER DESTRO-THINGY could be seen for miles around, planets across the galaxy viewing its destruction, and the lives lost to it would never be forgotten, along with the heroes that gave their life to save the universe.
The End.
A long time ago, in a NyQuil and vodka induced dream there was...
Star Wars: Hope?
It is a period of civil war. Which kinda sucks.
Rebel spaceships, striking
from a hidden base, have won
their first victory against
the evil Galactic Empire. Which doesn't suck.
During the battle, Rebel
spies managed to steal secret
plans to the Empire's
ultimate weapon, the SUPER DESTRO-THINGY,
an armored space
station with enough power
to destroy an entire planet. I know, scary, right?
Pursued by the Empire's
sinister agents, Princess
Moonfire races home aboard her
starship, custodian of the
stolen plans that can save her
people and restore
freedom to the galaxy....
Now, if only she could find the right button on her R2 unit...
“Shit shit shit... Which button is it R2?” she muttered hurriedly, smashing the buttons with her palm repeatedly as the droid beeped unhappily. “Gah! I don't have time for thiiiiiiiis...” groaned Moonfire, tucking a piece of light red hair behind her ear, still smashing at R2 as she did.
“You oversized trashcan, how the hell do you record a message?” she said scanning his metal housing for some button she was missing. Quickly becoming frustrated the girl kicked it, causing it the beep once more in protest before flashing a red recording light, startling the princess.
“Oh sweet, got it working. Awesomesauce. Okay...” she said waving to the camera. “Hi, Zilfer of Shadows? Right? Yeah... umm... I kinda need your help. Like as soon as possible. The Empire's building this bad weapon thingy and I have the plans.” she said making a motion to indicate the plans carefully tucked into her bra. “So yeah, my ships being invaded by the Empire's soldiers now, and thats really no good... So, save me Zilfer, you're my only hope.” she said kicking R2D2 again to stop the recording.
“Now, be sure to take that to Zii for me, kay? Good droid, and extra serving of oil for you later. I promise.” she said hearing the oncoming Storm Troopers coming closer, the sounds of blaster fire nearing her. Hugging the cylinder one last time, she wished him luck, and jumped out wielding her blaster in an almost threatening way, adjusting her glasses on her nose.
“Hey, look. I don't want to fight, so how about you give up now, and I just continue on my merry way?” Moonfire asked as she smiled brightly at the Storm Troopers moving closer, one of which grabbed her and hoisted her over his shoulder.
“I'll take that a no...” she said, as he carried her off, R2D2 and C-3HockieO taking the moment to slip into an escape pod, and blasting off in search for the unknown Zilfer.
Not too long after...
A white haired youth wandered about his desert home of Tatoonie, looking up over the sky around him.
“This place is boring... Why can't something exciting happen around here?” he asked looking back over at his Uncle and Aunt's place. A little dome amongst the vast sands, a dramatic musical track running in the background.”Where the hell is that music coming from...?” he asked looking about.
“Chris! Chris, honey! I bought some new droids today!” Called his Aunt. Running over Chris looked over them, glancing over the new R2 unit and C-3HockieO. “How much did you pay for this junk?” he asked. “What have I told you Auntie about paying for strange robots...?” he said shaking his head.
“Who the hell are you calling junk?” said C-3HockieO. “You're not a prize winner yourself.”
“Oi, I can dismantle you at any time, bot. Watch yourself.” Chris warned as he rolled his eyes. “I'm gonna go shoot small animals, B.R.B. Guys.” he said wandering off.
R2 stirred back to life, beeping crazily, taking off into the desert. Leaving behind HockieO.
“God dammit... Where the hell are you going you walking waste disposal? Fine. Whatever. Forget you, man.” he said.
“Yo, uh Chris...”
“I'm not Chris, I'm Shen... or am I Shin? Maybe I'm Dark Chris... Shit, whatever. What is it Hock?”
“Well... R2 kinda took off... into the desert.”
“You're kidding?! This upset me... us... dammit, I'm confusing myself again.”
“You know, talking to yourself is the first sign of insanity...”
“Shut up, we gotta find that stupid R2 unit...” he said grabbing his bag and heading out with Hock into the desert after
Meanwhile, back out in space...
“Muwhahahahahahahahaha!!!!” cackled the tall and rather skinny man in his swivel chair, looking over at Princess Moonfire, who was conveniently bound to a chair.
“Hey dude, you've been laughing like that for um, a couple hours now...” she said, looking at him rather uncomfortably.
“Oh sorry about that, just working on my evil laugh. You know, its really a major part of the big bad villain look.” responded Darth Cain in a surprisingly pleasant tone.
“Oh, I'm sure, it seems like it would be.” she agreed nodding. “So... how long are we gonna wait here?”
“I dunno, depends, how long is it gonna take for your friends to come a rescue you?” he responded, snapping open a root beer and handing it too her, Moonfire nodding thanks as she sipped it from her purple crazy straw.
“Shouldn't be too long now, I sent that cry for help to Zilfer like ages ago...”
“Oh, you've invited Zilfer? Goody, its been ages since I've kicked his ass.” he said with another round of evil laughter.
“Okay, Cainy, I think you're kinda over doing it now.”
“Overkill is never a bad thing... Muwhahahahahahahahaha!”
Glancing over at the clock she sighed, patience was not one of her strong suits...
“Oh! Governor Odan, please join us here for some root beer while we wait.” said Cain seeing a man walking by the door.
“Umm... hello Darth Cain... umm, Princess. No offense Mr. Cain sir, but, shouldn't we get those plans from the Princess, and well, kill her? Thats the evil thing to do right?” he said sitting in the chair next to Mooney, who gave him a friendly wave.
“No time for that now,” responded Cain. “The Authoress is hurrying the story along because of a wild drunken night that made her forget about the story being due today, so the Princess' friends will most likely be showing up in... I dunno... three... two... one...Now” Cain said looking down at his watch.
Suddenly the whole ship shook greatly and the wall to the room exploded outward, a crew of odd rebels spilling into the room.
“Hey Princess, we've come to save you!” said Chris with a bright smile.
“We? Who the hell are you people, all I asked for was freaking Zilfer. Not some kid, his old man lover, a guy who likes furries and a walking carpet.” she said shaking her head.
“Well, I'm Chris... Well, I'm also Dark Chris, and Shen, or Shin. God dammit, you people need to stop making me introduce myself!”
“Blame the Authoress, its easier that way...” Nodded Moonfire.
“I'm Mik Solo, I gave these guys a ride here... Can I leave now?” said the rather disinterested looking pilot.
“RAAAAAAWR” Replied the Wookie, who then swiftly received a smack to the face.
“Grand! Will you stop trying to get me to switch the ship to Batroid energy. Its not happening, so drop it.” yelled Mik.
“I'm Zilfer... Hey Cain, whats up dude? You wanna fight?”
Odan raised an eyebrow, attempting the sneak out of the room, though was dragged back in by Grand.
“RAAAAAAAAAWR...”
“Grand, you're an idiot, nobody cares.”
“Raaawr...”
“Thats not very nice...” said Mooney who was still as fate would have it bound to the chair. “So yeah, can someone untie me so we can leave? How are we gonna destroy this thingy anyway?”
Chris smiled brightly. “Oh, don't worry about that. I set an explosive to go off in Ten minutes after we got on board, that way we could grab you and get out as quick as possible.”
Mik and Zilfer looked over at Chris with a worried expression. “Ummm... Chris... How long have we been on board the ship?”
“We got on at like 4:50... its Now...5:00... So, ten mi-”
The explosion of the SUPER DESTRO-THINGY could be seen for miles around, planets across the galaxy viewing its destruction, and the lives lost to it would never be forgotten, along with the heroes that gave their life to save the universe.
The End.
